So I am not a big goal person. I have all the eternal ones, but the yearly or monthly ones not so much. Not sure why I dislike setting goals, I blame young womens. Somehow my leaders always made goal night more painful then having teeth pulled. It made setting goals seem stupid and boring to me. This is a shame because I think that if my attitude changed, I would be a really good goal person. When I was in college I made a fun new year resolution of trying one new soda flavor a month. Fun goal and totally kept it. I do have a sort of goal of weighing 130 pounds by the time I am 30, but considering that I am going to be 29 in May and have a baby in July I think this one might need some adjustment. Maybe by the time I am 31. I want to learn to play the piano by the time I die. I think I would really like to learn this hobby.
Anyway so for this year I do have a goal. Over the past few years I have been really irritated by the question, "How are you doing?" Yes, I know that sounds weird and stupid, it felt a bit stupid to write. But here is the deal, most people don't mean it. They don't want to know the truth unless it is good and short. While I was pregnant and miserable with Max I lost the ability to answer this question with the, "Good," answer that everyone wants to hear. Instead I answered with the truth. Well not only did I notice that most people didn't want to hear it, but I didn't really want everyone to know all my business all the time. I tried to give a glib Good to people I didn't want to talk to, but it was hard and sounded false.
Another reason for this resolution is that I have actually always been a believer in positive thinking. I have never really believed it for myself but I have been in big believer in the placebo effect in medicine. Anyway, I want to see if saying that I am good to everyone will actually make me believe it. I don't suspect that it will make a HUGE change in my demeanor, but I suspect that it may give me a bit of a positive boost at times.
So for the rest of the year I am good. My blog will still reflect my real feelings because I do want to remain free to vent, it is very therapeutic for me. But if you come into the library or see me at Wal-mart I will be good. Whether I am or not.
5 comments:
I say more power to you! More than the power of positive thinking, I think it's the art of focusing on the positive, rather than the negative. Regardless of how crappy I feel or how frustrated I am about SOMEthing ('cuz let's face it...there's always something), I do try to respond to the "how are you doing?" question in regard to what IS going well. Generally, I believe that being positive is a pay-it-forward kind of thing that comes back to you and is a great resolution.
I hear ya. Personally, I would rather have people tell me how they are actually doing. Small talk, chit-chat, whatever you want to call it feels so empty and a waste of my energy. Doesn't it seem like it's so hard to actually get to know anyone anymore? Too many masks on -- I think we would all actually feel a little happier if we didn't feel we needed to keep up appearances.
Thanks for the post. :)
PS When do we get to see all the pics from your photo shoot?
Everyone needs to have one safe place they can be real.
I'm also shaky on the power of positiveness. But I know for sure that negativity is strong. It's also great at reinforcing itself. So, logically, positive thinking should be worth while, even if only at evasion of negativism.
It might help if you can think of a reason however small, each time you answer. Maybe even answer with those thoughts instead of a blanket 'good.' (I'm alive; still kicking; etc) Though speaking with a cheerful voice does more for me than the words. Not surprising as voice tone and body language are what we believe in others when they talk of their feelings.
Small talk is good at what it does. Which is fill small moments with small connections. I've ended up in real conversations that started with small talk, but I can't really describe what the difference was.
But the ritual "how are you-I'm fine" is almost always small talk. Usually used to bid for connection when only a moment is yo spare. A strong negative in such a moment usually comes across as a call for help. Which, when nothing can be offered but a listening ear and the moment too short, doesn't work well. So unless there is something that can be done, I try to give a positive spin on whatever I say.
I hope it goes well.
Hannah
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