Big Talker

I talk pretty big, but there are many times when I have a thin skin.  I have terrible self esteem issues mostly related to my ability to make and keep friends, but that is a discussion for another post.  Today we got the feedback from a showing of our house.  I get that the house isn't for everyone but hearing that it didn't show well and getting a low score on our realtor survey hurt.  I am pretty upset.  Jeff and I have put a lot of work into that house and continue to drive over to water and check on it every other day.  Feeling a bit punched in the gut right now.  This is gonna be a long process over the next few months and I need to learn to take it less personally, but it is my house.  That is pretty personal.

Divided

Jeff asked if we were going to Chick-fil-a next Wednesday.  Here's the deal, do I support Gay Marriage?  Nope, sure don't.  Do I support the right of all individuals to express their political beliefs?  Yes, (although I find it really obnoxious on facebook, and will respond if goaded enough.)  What I don't support at all is the further fracturing of our society into us versus them.  I remember a few months ago almost dying inside when I read that a friend suggested that as citizens we should just leave the states to themselves and if one state becomes more depraved then we desire then just move and let them rot.  I do not support us versus them  I believe that we are all in this together.  I am not going to support Chick-fil-a and not shop at J.C. Penny.  I am gonna eat where I like the food and shop where I like the clothing.  Hooray for Capitalism!  In my life I have only actively boycotted two things.  I did not watch the 2008 Olympics in China because I disagree with their continuing human right violations and I do not shop at Shell Gas Stations because of their less then safe work practices in Africa.  Did I make a difference?  Nope, but I feel better.  Will going to Chick-fil-a on Wednesday make me feel better, no, I imagine that it will make me feel worse. 

Mad Skillz

I bought Max a hula-hoop a couple weeks ago.  Surprisingly he is quite good at it.  It is fun to see your kid excel at something even if it isn't a marketable skill.

Canceled

Grrr last week we had to replace our entire furnace system.  Heater, air conditioner, and heat pump all replaced.  I won't even tell you how much that cost.  It hurt us.  We also have the other house on the market again, so no rent check.  We have tightened our belts and had to cancel some activities.  Sadly we are canceling the trip to Disney world that we had planned for Max and Jeff this coming December.  About a year ago I thought it would be a great experience for Max to go to Disney world before he got too old to believe in the characters.  I first planned it for last spring but it kept getting pushed off til we decided December.  Well now it is on permeate hold, and that is okay.  I get these ideas in my head of things that I have to have or things the kids need to experience.  Well nobody needs to go to Disney world.  It just would have been a nice thing.  Perhaps what I am more bummed about is my canceled trip to Vegas this fall.  My sister Krista and I were going to do a Warrior Dash for her birthday.  I was really pumped and already training.  She and I both discussed it and decided that while a girls weekend would have been awesome, it was not in the cards for us this year.  Maybe next year.  It is easy to get down about my canceled plans and feel sorry for myself, but I have a beautiful huge house.  This was a decision Jeff and I made three years ago that we do not regret.  It fits us and we love it.  We may never move until we are so old they have to haul us off to the old folks home, (or until the zombie apocalypse when we will have to go live on the Compound and eat dirt.)  With this wonderful house comes the baggage of having to sell the old house.  It is an ugly position to be in, but we hope it will not be for too much longer.  Sacrifices of vacations and dish network have to be made, but in the end it will totally be worth it.  I would like to see my sister though. 

We Don't Get Pool Passes

We have a lovely pool less then five blocks from our house.  For a family swim pass it is like $135.  We don't have one.  Here's the deal, I cannot handle going to the pool with my three kids.  I tried going with the two kids last year, and every time I blinked Mae would try to drown herself.  I can't even imagine how it would be with three.  Mae is not that much more developed discipline wise this year, and now I have Spike to take care of. (I wish people would understand that watching Mae is often like watching a one and a half/ two year old.  We can't communicate and I can't just tell her not to do something and expect her to understand me right away.  It feels like I have two babies.)

 So we travel a few miles into Bentonville and go to the free Splash Park.  I can handle it for the most part and the kids like it.  So why the post?  Well I am getting really annoyed at people treating me like a freak for not having a pool pass.  So many people we know have them.  The ward playgroup even meets there.  For the annoyed eye rolls I get you would think I have said I cannot go because I have chosen not to own a car.  I don't want the stress of dressing my kids, taking them and all the gear, then watching them like a hawk without blinking for and hour or two.  Not to mention that these things usually end in tears for one reason or another.  Something always seems to happen.  So no, we don't have a pool pass; and yes, it's okay. 

This was the best shot Spike would allow.

*Shout out to my known readers Meg and Lara.  I don't mean you guys and do appreciate any invitations sent our way.

The Kid Needs a Break or Maybe I Do?

Spinach Smoothies are great!  Would you like some of mine?

Maybe we are ready to be done having kids.  I find myself easily annoyed with Spike for small things that aren't really his fault.  He is a baby and supposed to be a messy eater.  It is not like Mae is much cleaner.  I need to stop expecting behavior from Spike that he is not ready for, and I need to stop being annoyed at my baby. 

Brotherly Love

Poor Spike.  The guy just can't catch a break.  He has some molars coming in and lately he has become Mae's punching bag.  Sometimes she just walks by him and pushes him over for no reason.  It is like she is being proactive for the years to come when she will be outnumbered.  Then at other times she discovers him in the room and decides he is a toy to be played with.  These times are not so much her being malicious as her just not realizing he is a real person who cannot be played with in some ways.  Today when I picked him up from his nap she followed me down to his room; his inner sanctum.  You should have seen the look he gave me.  It was just sad.  I could hear his thoughts, "Why did you let her in here?"

The New Normal

Why did I wait so long to start making French Silk Pie?

Jeff got a new job a month ago.  He is still at Walmart but instead of working in their Information Systems Department he now works directly for the Home Office.  The job just came out of nowhere and he decided to take the challenge.  He now publishes information directly to Walmart's Intranet instead of working behind the scenes keeping the intranet running.  Everything about the job is different.  No more pager!  Hooray!  But he does have to go to the monthly Saturday Morning Meeting.  He goes to a lot of meetings, which he actually seems to like.  He really liked his old job, his old team, and his old boss; but he felt that he had reached a crossroads in his path at Walmart and this new position will take him in a better direction over the next few years.  Jeff is the only computer literate individual on his new team and they treat him like Bill Gates.  He is also one of the few males which is the complete opposite from before.  

So the one downside is that his new job has been an adjustment for me.  I will admit that for the past eight years I HAVE BEEN SPOILED!  There is no other way to say it.  I was so spoiled (although I was aware of it at them time.)  The atmosphere at ISD was much more relaxed and less meeting intensive.  Jeff was at liberty to take breaks, go in late or come home early when needed.  If the kids or I was sick then he could work from home and help out.  Not anymore; Jeff is no longer at my beck and call.  With meetings all day long Jeff's presence is needed at work.  I have to just suck it up and deal with life myself.  Just like everybody else on the planet who has not been as spoiled as me.  This isn't meant to be a woe is me post.  I am super happy for how happy Jeff is and I know this is the right choice.  I just miss having him around.  I miss stopping by for a soda run after Max's preschool.  I miss being able to call him from the grocery store to see if he remembers what we needed.  I have relied so much on him and now have to figure out how to do my days alone.  But hey at least this year we will get to go to a real Christmas Party.  (His old teams would just go play video games in some guys basement.)

The Crawl of Arkansas

I'm a bit behind in this post.  One of my best friends Lara had a baby last month.  It was her fourth which is not so unusual among Mormons, but it had been over five years since her last baby.  It has been interesting watching her go through the pregnancy and baby stuff because the age distance is kinda what Jeff and I have in mind for our family.  On the one hand, she was almost to the all alone at home stage, but then again there is an advantage to having only one at home to focus on.  Anyway.....I was delighted to throw her a baby shower.  Now here's the deal; did she already have a shower with her last kid, yes, but I wanted to throw her a party.  I love Lara and she is the most no-fuss person I know.  Those kind of people are the fun ones to make a fuss over.  I really enjoyed going all out on decorations and food.  Thanks to Pinterest I made a tart bar.  Everyone could take a tart shell and fill it with Pastry Cream, Chocolate Cream, or Strawberry Lemon Curd.  Then of course top with fresh whipped cream, berries, or chocolate.    It turned out really delicious.  I am not a fan of shower games, so I decided to have a baby race.

 I recruited two babies around Spike's age and we had them race across the living room.   Yeah, it was even better then it sounds. 

Spike was so overwhelmed by the noise that he burst into tears immediately and wouldn't budge the entire time.  P, the winner was the oldest, but her main competition, C, did well til half way through he decided to start walking and that set him back. 

It was a great shower and Lara made a good haul, (which of course was the whole point anyway.)  Everyone left with a bundle of my homemade Tobler peanut butter fudge.

Spike the Stoic

One of his rare moments of levity.  Photo by Max.

Spike reminds me of me, which is funny since he looks the least like me of all my kids.  When I was a small kid my parents were concerned that something was wrong with me because I was so negative all the time.  I unsuccessfully tried out for cheerleading four times and imagine that I didn't make it because of my personality.  The judges could just sense I wasn't a naturally perky person.  Now this doesn't mean I'm not happy, I am, it just means I don't give off a naturally happy vibe.  (The one notable exception is when I answer the phone at a job.  For unknown reasons I go into this really weird, and slightly uncomfortable, chipper tone that I cannot control.)  Spike seems to be similar in his daily countenance.  The kid doesn't laugh as much as the other two did.  You get the feeling that he is amused and giving you a slight chuckle on the inside most of the time.  Maybe he just has a highly evolved sense of humor and only offers a laugh to encourage true comic genius.  My favorite game to play with Spike is a take off on the classic Staring Contest.  I stare at him giving him a huge grin until he just can't take it any longer and gives me a sly smile.  I don't think that I have changed his mood at all.  I suspect that he knows what I am up to and only smiles to get me to stop making the stupid grin at him.  The second I let go he stops smiling.  I think this kid will give us some fun times ahead.

Bike Parade

I could go on and on about how much I love where we live.  Arkansas has got to be the best kept secret in America.  This state is gorgeous; there is a reason it's called the Natural State.  I love the beauty of the area and I also love the charm.  We live in Bella Vista which is a few miles north of Bentonville.  For all intents and purposes it is a bedroom community of Bentonville, and the whole area, including about 8 other cities, is really just one big center called Northwest Arkansas.  Jeff works in Bentonville and Max will go to school there, (because of zoning he cannot go to the one elementary school in Bella Vista that is two mins from our house.)  There are lots of programs in Bentonville that nicely include Bella Vista since we don't have many programs ourselves.

  Every Saturday they have a lovely farmers market on the Bentonville Square that is ridiculously charming.  The square was renovated a few years ago, and has lots of little shops, the county court house, some good restaurants, and a adorable fountain.  The original Walton 5&10 shop is there along with a visitors center, and to add a pinch of controversy a statue of a confederate soldier, (The South will rise again!)  Today they had a bike parade for kids.  Jeff took Max and they decorated his bike with streamers provided by Walmart then he joined in the parade.  Afterwards there was free ice cream for the participants.  We then took the kids to the neighboring splash park. (Right off the square that doubles as an ice skating rink in the winter.)  It was a busy but good morning.  I love where we live.

Better throw something up here

Had to get a photo up here so that my mug wasn't showing up on everyone's blog.  I love Futurama and I love this family photo Krista made us.  I think this is the most recent photo of all of us.  The last one being at Krista's wedding eight years ago.

Time to cut

So for the past two years I have been growing out my hair.  After Mae was born I was too vague at the salon and got a trucker shag that had me looking like Florence Henderson from the 70's era of the Brady Bunch.  Within  a week I got a second haircut to try to fix it.  Ever since then I have been a bit jumpy at the thought of getting my hair cut.  My own PTSD if you will.  This has been hard cause I used to like getting my hair cut.  I was a firm believer in the "it will grow back philosophy."  I got the hair itch last spring but chickened out and just got a trim and thin.  My friend scared me by using the phrase "mom hair" and "turning 30"  in the same sentence.  Well the time has come for a cut.  I am going short and excited that I finally have enough hair to donate.  I am thinking of something like this cut.

  I showed this to someone and they remarked that  "Well Carey Mulligan is the kind of cute girl who would look cute with any hair cut."  Yeah I could fill up a notebook with all the implied insults of that statement.  I know it won't look as good as that cause it is true that I not as cute as her.  Oh well, I want to try something.  It would be nice if after 30 years I had found my hair cut.  You know how those lucky few have stumbled upon the best cut for them and rock it year after year.  I would love to find mine and be done.  I hope I haven't already cause that would be depressing.  Well wish me luck, or laugh your head off at the humiliation possibilities.