Christmas 2008

I have been hesitant to post about Christmas because I wanted to have pictures to post with it, but instead of taking pictures we shot the event on the video camera,(its one or the other with us)and since I still don't have Max's B-day video up, it could be awhile. The Monday before Max woke up and threw up, so we took him to the doctor and he was put on anti biotics for a nose/throat/ear infection. This effectly canceled our X-mas eve plans since we didn't want to spread it around. Jeff and I did continue our tradition of opening our presents christmas eve after Max was in bed. I really like this tradition cause it allows us to enjoy the holiday and is very romantic. Christmas Morning Max woke up and was no doubt suprised to see us following him with video camera (lets face it he was suprised to see me at all since mama only gets up with him on Sunday mornings.) He walked into the living room where the play kitchen was waiting for him with pots, pans, and food. He didn't even think twice, he got right to work, picked up a salt shaker and started playing as if it was totally normal to wake up to new toys. It took a bit of prodding to get him to notice the elmo doll sticking out of his stocking. After that, he loved pulling stuff out of his stocking and opening his presents. We played and enjoyed the day. For dinner we went to our friend's the Evan's house. The turkey dinner was delicious! All and all it was a good Christmas.

Feliz Navidad

And a Merry Christmas to all. Due to my invalid state, not many have been invited to my house to share in the festivities, so I thought I would share a picture of the village. When I was in high school my mom worked at a Christmas shop and fell in Love with Department 56 Villages. She helped us girls each pick one out and has purchased me many pieces over the years. I collect the original Snow Village which is a Norman Rockwell 1950's village. The first piece was the Pisa Pizza. For awhile there I got a lot of food joints and it was beginning to look like a food court. Last year when my mom visited she brought me a few houses and trees and it really all came together. There are always new pieces that are so cute, but I can't fit anymore onto my bar. Jeff's favorite is the pet store, Most people love the Mcdonalds, I am not sure which is my favorite. It's a bit odd that I would have something so Christmasy since I have already stated that I am a bit of a ba hum bug, but even I melt for the village.

Payback

So last week everyone I knew was sick or had sick kids. I felt bad for them, but secretly reveled behind their backs that it was not me. Oh how the mighty have fallen. I haven't had a cold this bad in a long time. There is something so shameful in a bad cold. The flu everyone understands and you can feel fine about not doing anything cause you don't want to move from the cold bathroom floor. A bad cold and you feel like if you could only get everything to stop dripping then you could get on with your life. So here I sit, kleenex everywhere, Jeff watching Max, doped on cold medicine, bored to tears and feeling guilty because I had planned on using this day to make fudge and pies for all my friends. But on the bright side it isn't too bad. About 4 years ago Jeff and I got the Roto Virus and man was it bad. I was basically naked on the bathroom floor for over 5 hours just wanting to die. (After the forth hour poor Jeff came in and threw a towel on me, thanks Honey.) If I could go back and remove that vile experience from my life I totally would, but since I can't I appreciate that it has given me a sense of perspective whenever I get sick. I haven't had anything, labor included (thanks to modern medicine), that bad since.

P.S. I figured that nobody wanted a picture on the chosen topic, so instead I have chosen to include the latest picture of Max.

Proof that I don't make everyone's life worse

http://thethreelittlebearcubs.blogspot.com/2008/11/sweet-sweet-emily.html
Thanks for the beautiful compliment Sarah.

It Totally Tied the Room Together

So my posts have been a bit random and trivial lately, but my life has not, so to bring everyone back up to speed, the following a a few highlights of recent.

Thanksgiving!
We all went down to Little Rock to spend the holiday with My Aunt Mardie and my Uncle Gareth and all my Arkansan cousins. The special guest was my Grandma Tobler! It was so great to see her and everyone else. The food was so so good. The drive at 3.5 hours each way was a bit long, but we all handled it better then expected. All and all, a really great holiday memory.

Family Visit
The Tuesday after thanksgiving my Aunt Mardie, Grandma Tobler, and Cousin Liz and her girls came up to visit me! It meant so much to me to have family come. I don't know why but I got it into my head that I had to paint my kitchen and dining room before they came. Poor Jeff was up late the night before helping me paint, but it turned out well. I had made a lasagna which turned out well, but when I went to the fridge to get the salad, it was gone! Jeff took it to work. I felt a bit foolish only serving Lasagna, but at least it tasted good. It was nice to get to spend more time with my family after the busy Thanksgiving.

Branson
Our friends the Messicks gave us some discount tickets to Silver Dollar City last weekend. It is a really fun amusement park in Branson (2 hours away) that has an old fashioned feel to it. The weather was cold 50 and breezy, but we all enjoyed ourselves so much. Max was just barely 36 inches the minimum to get on all the kiddie rides. He loved them so much. We spent almost all the time putting him into little ladybug, frogs, and elephants that move and bounce slightly. We all got on the tea cups (seriously I don't know how Disney hasn't sued them yet.) When I finally decided to get the funnel cake over the apple dumpling and cinnamon roll, thanks for the help deciding Lu, the funnel cake line was too long! Oh well. I also learned a good trick for hot chocolate, they put the marshmallows in the cup first, then the hot chocolate. The lights were really pretty when we left, they have an evening Christmas show, but we wanted to get home and Max doesn't sit for shows.

Rug!
Thanks to the wonderfully generous Sarah Allred, I have a new area rug in my living room. For months my furniture has been sliding around the room, but no more. The amazing thing is that it matches my living room perfectly. When I tell people I didn't pick it out, they are shocked. Almost as shocked as when I tell them it was free. It is beautiful and in really good condition (Sarah could have easily gotten 400-500 bucks for it on craig's list) and it makes my living room complete. Thank you so much Sarah.

Things that Must Go IV

1. Rocket's various incarnations: The Little Einsteins often find themselves in situations where they need to move around, or over some obstacle; so Rocket will transform into some object, train, pogo stick, crane in order to help the kids around or over the obstacle. While it is an impressive feat of engineering that the rocket ship can transform into various other machines, why doesn't it just fly over the obstacle?

2. Christmas Music on the Radio: Okay I am totally gonna get feedback on this one, but I don't like Christmas music. I dig the hymns, and Feliz Navidad (which by the way, if you ever have a song stuck in your head, sing this song and you brain will clear, it totally works, only not as well at Christmas time)but other then that I hate having more then half the songs on the radio being really bad pop Christmas tunes. The radio stations of Northwest Arkansas are not very good to begin with and can ill afford all the time wasted with Christmas music.

3. 12 Original Herbs and Spices: One or maybe more of those herbs and spices in the Colonel's Original Recipe always leave me sick and stuck in the ladies room all night long. You ask why I still eat from KFC? Well mostly I don't but every once in awhile it just looks too good.

4. Watered Down Soda: Okay, I know we are in a recession, but why McDonald's, Sonic, and every other fast food place, do you have to cut back on soda syrup? Have you had a fountain drink lately? Awful, watery, so so disappointing. (This is especially bad in Northwest Arkansas because our water has a slight taste of dirt.)Really how expensive is syrup? Am I missing something? Did Hurricanes affect the syrup crop of 2008? Are terrorists to blame? The honey bees? Please if you have a soda fountain add more syrup.

Max's Posse

Max has a posse. They follow him most everywhere he goes. He looks after them and loves them very much, (In some cases probably more then they would like.) When we get him in the morning and after naps he hands his posse to us first to ensure that they get out of the crib with him. Puppy, or sometimes called baby by Max, is the most important member of this group. A baby present from his Grandma Larkin, puppy has seen better days, but I suppose that he has had a good life with lots of love, adventures and travels. Blanket was a gift from some ladies that my parents home teach in Colorado. Blanket originally had a pretty crochet edge, but that has since unraveled and been replaced by Grandma Tobler. Pop is a new addition, I purchased him last spring from Kohls. He is a replica of the Dr. Seuss character from Hop on Pop. Jeff and I are hoping that he might be a comfort to Max should anything every happen to puppy.

Max's Obsessions

For those who want more Max and less me.

1. Elmo
I love taking him to Walmart and letting him play with the $60 Elmo live doll. It says, "Elmo Love you, kiss kiss," then blows kisses. Max then always blows Elmos a kiss in return. If close enough he will kiss the doll.
2. Toy Story
He can't say Toy Story, Buzz or Woody, so he melds them all together into "Boy"
3. Stickers
4. Banging stuff
Any thing that will make a big noise
5. Duties
Max loves having "duties." He loves showing the people at Sam's Club out membership card. He leans forward and waves it around so that it will not be missed. He loves to throw stuff away, hand people stuff, put the vacuum cord away. These are all of his choosing, if we were to give him a task it wouldn't work.

Obsession

As requested by the generous Sarah the following are my 5 admitable obsessions
1. Sheep
This all started when I was in high school and had a dream about hugging sheep. Since then I have amassed quite a collection of stuffed sheep, have a sheep sweater, and a promise from my friend Maryann that if I can figure out how to get the sheep out of Lyman, Utah I can have a gimp from her parents farm.

2. DVR
I can't stop looking ahead to see if something good will be on.

3. Job Hunting
Not a day goes by when I don't check the Bentonville Public Schools HR board to see if a position for a social studies teacher has opened up. This actually paid off two years ago, and I got a job in March, so that probably keeps me coming back each day. I check the Rogers and Gravette sites about once a month.

4. The Associate Store
This is a store for Walmart employees that has all the sample, clearance, and gift items that buyers/ and stores are not allowed to keep (anything over 50 cents.)They have everything there at one time or another. From regular Walmart merchandise to Neiman Marcus Ties, Lladro statues, Kate Spade Bags, Utah Shot Glasses. It is the most random assortment of items that are all at least 50% off. I love getting diapers for half price. The items change constantly. My most recent scores have been pampers diapers for 50% off, the John Adams Movie DVD for 5 dollars, Welches Juice for 1.50. Just a really random assortment. In a way it pays to go frequently cause you never know what will be there, but it is also hard to have self control and not buy something on sale. Just cause it is on sale doesn't mean I need it.

5. Injustice
I have a hard time getting over things. It takes me awhile when people apologize, but if they don't then I hang on forever letting it eat at me and torture me. The Internet has been an interesting tool for this as I am now able to search out old school bullies, "Do they regret treating me so badly? Do they even remember they terrorized me?" In the past year someone close abused me (mentally and emotionally)so shamefully that not a week goes by that I don't cry about it and not a day goes by when I don't think of that person, get angry, and wonder how they could behave in such a deplorable manner. I know that I need to rise above and forgive, but it is so hard, especially when the people responsible are so unaware of their guilt. I get by with prayer and the hope that with time I can become more Christ like and stop getting angry.

So those are my obsessions, or at least five of them. I'm not sure why I blog about what I do. I admire those of you that have a purpose, Keeping in touch, Recording memories for kids, humoring us all. I really don't know what my purpose is, but I think that this is a good thing for me, so I will keep at it with the random entries until I achieve some clarity or find a reason to stop. I am always open to suggestions, such as today's tag, or if you would all like more Max and less me. I have though about changing the background but came to the conclusion that this one really fits me.

It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited!

I am so happy right now. My loving, wonderful, beautiful sister Krista has sent me Stephen's Hot Chocolate. (Not available for sale in NW Arkansas.) This is the best Christmas Present ever! The beverage is hugging my esophagus all the way down to my tummy where it is working like a water heater, spreading out and warming every inch of me. This is extra wonderful because it snowed yesterday. (which is pretty infrequent here.) So thank you Lu for the cup o' happiness. Best Present Ever!

Maaaax!

I love dropping Max off anywhere, not just because it means I get alone time, but because of the reception he gets. Whenever I drop him off at nursery, the gym activity center, mom's day out, etc., everyone always greets him with a Maaaax! It's like he's Norm from Cheers. I love this. It is really nice to know that everyone loves my kid. He breaks down barriers, even people whom I know can't stand me love Max. There is something about that kid, his loveable smile, his Thank you's, all the hugs he gives, people can't resist this kids charm. It's a nice feeling.

Blog List

I have renamed some of the blogs on my blog list. I have been really hesistant to do so, because I really love the creative names people come up with for their blogs. I have always been a total sucker for puns, I love them! But the time has come where even I have to do a double check on who's blog I am clicking on. So in the name of saving confusion, some of your blogs have been renamed. If you are upset about this please let me know and I will change it back.

*The picture is from when Jeff and I worked at the bookstore. My coworkers, Ashley, Ethel and I were the Powerpuff Girls Jeff was Professor Utonium.

It just hurts too much

I usually stand strong and fight the good fight. I do consider myself a fighter, sometimes that is a good thing sometimes it becomes a bad thing. This past week I have noticed that I have been more upset, short with my family and generally grouchy. (No before you all start guessing I am not pregnant.) I think the problem is that I have oddly been worked up about all the Mormon hate going on in the news. I firmly believe in the passage of proposition 8, and I also believe that it was passed in a democratic election where the people got to choose what they wanted. Why no rallies to get people to vote? Why only hate afterwards, whatever, I usually don't hide from the world, but in this case I feel that for the sake of my mental health I need to take a small break. For the next week I am going to step away from the computer, (something I have been thinking would probably be a good thing anyway)and CNN. I need a vacation from hate and anger. So I will see you all next week.

Sticker Book

Max is really into stickers right now. For awhile it seemed like we were getting them everywhere we went. They would end up on the floor, in hair, and just anywhere where you really wouldn't want something sticky. One day after leaving the associate store with a walmart sticker, I had Max stick the smiley face on the back of my driver's seat. This way he could see his sticker and have something fun to look at during the drive. As you can see we have kept the tradition alive. He loves to put his hard earned stickers on the seat before getting into his car seat. If he needs help he will show you where he wants the sticker. Yes, this makes my car look oooo so trashy, but it makes him happy and that makes me happy, and they don't end up stuck to my tile floors.

Not ashamed, just not looking for a fight.

Not many people have asked me outright who I voted for this election. Which is just fine by me. Usually, being a social studies teacher and an avid politics fan, I enjoy discussing politics and ideals, but this year things are different. I have many hopes and dreams for this country and the future of my son. I spend lots of time reading and studying the topics because I enjoy it and because it is my job to stay on top of what's going on. I watch CNN and Fox News, I read the newspapers daily, I spend time caring about what is going on in my city, county, and world. I could go on and on about why I voted for Barak Obama, but in the end it was because I weighed the evidence and prayed about it. I have no regrets, I only have hope. My quiet vote was not because I was ashamed of who I voted for, I wouldn't have voted in shame, it is because 99% of the people I correspond with on a daily basis are conservative Mormons. I have expressed more "liberal" views before and they just look at me like I am a the most ignorant hick on the planet. So I have kept my mouth shut because I don't like people automatically assuming that I am stupid and easily misled by the "liberal" media. Oh and by the way I voted for Bush twice. In the end, presidential elections aren't as important as city and state elections. I always remind my students that those are the people who affect you the most. (Don't even get me started on the fact that Mark Pryor ran unopposed!) I hope that Obama makes a good president. I think he will.

We're off to see the Wizard

Last month I read the Annotated Wizard of Oz. I had never picked up any of the Oz books before, but I wanted something to read, and figured that the annotated part would make it better. I really liked the book, despite the fact that I had creeped out memories from seeing, "Return to Oz," as a kid, and I never like the Judy Garland version,(atleast not without Pink Floyd.) The book is a wonderful children's tale; Dorothy is an incredible brave, smart, and kind girl. Since reading the book, I have been shocked at how many references to the Wizard of Oz are in everyday life. They are everywhere, in so many shows, songs, and movies. This book has had an incredible impact on American Culture. Anyhoo, long post short, if you get a chance read the book. Even small toddlers are not immune from Wizard of Oz influences. Thanks Jenny for getting this picture.

Easy as ...pencils

I hope everyone gets a good laugh out of this. Wednesday as I was leaving the Fitness Center, I put Max in his car seat and shut the door. He locked it and I went to press the button on my key chain to unlock my door. It wouldn't open. What was I going to do? It has been almost 4 years that we have had the car, the battery in the keyless entry must have died. Crap, I would have to get a lock smith, call Jeff maybe, did anyone have a hanger? I spent a good five minuets worring about leaving Max to go get help, can I leave him in the cold car? Stupid keyless entry....Keyless...key, oh right I have the key right here in my hand. Ladies and Gentleman, Last Wednesday, for the first time in almost 4 years, I opened my car with the key.

Max the Lion

Max had a wonderful time yesterday. We actually started out going to Mcdonald's and just letting him play and get some extra energy out. Because Jeff and I are not feeling too hot, we skipped the trick or treating at Jeff's work, I felt bad but then realized that Max didn't know what he missed out on, and I didn't need all that extra candy around. Max loved the ward party. All the kids were running around and he just joined right in. Max loves older kids, I think he should have been a younger sibling. He found a plate of brownies at arm's reach and got three or four before Jeff and I caught on. I think he liked seeing his nursery friends in costume. His girlfriend Claudia was a mouse, but she had to leave because one of the grownup men in our ward was dressed in a scary costume and she was terrified. Max never frightened all day long so that was nice. The ward thing was great, but Jeff and I got tired, so we left at 8 and visited an elderly couple in our ward. Max loves the Evans. They shared some candy and suggested that we go a few housed down. Even though we were tired, we took Max down the road and the elderly couple was beyond thrilled to get a trick or treater. They said Max was their first in 6 years! (Which is what happens when you live in a retirment community in the woods.) They gave him two regular sized twix (one for Jeff and one for Me!) It was so nice to be recieved so warmly that we stopped at a few more houses on the way home. All were beyond happy to see Max. He loved ringing the doorbell, and he always said thank you and even said boo a few times.

The Great Pumpkin Max Larkin

Yesterday we took Max to a really cute pumpkin patch/ corn maze farm in Missouri. He had such a blast! We began by taking a 30 min. hay ride around the place. Max loved throwing Hay at Jeff, and over the side. After we let Max play in the Corn Box and took pictures on the play tractor. He loved playing basket ball or as they called it "pumpkin ball" and going down the potato sack slide. The best part was a little kid "cow train" I was so nervous letting Max go by himself. Jeff can attest that I fretted the whole time instead of enjoying the 3 min. Max must have been so confused, but seemed to enjoy it. By the time we left a few hours later Max had had a wonderful time and did not want to leave.

Post for Jeff

I thought Jeff deserved a bit of an update. He has been very busy this summer updating Walmart's intranet, and playing with his best bud Max. After 3+ years on his team he has decided it was time to try something new. No were not leaving Walmart (wouldn't leave now when this is the first year Walmart is on schedule to get it's full bonus, yea recession!) but Jeff is switching to a team that will be less coding and more troubleshooting. He is very excited about the move. I love that Jeff is always trying to learn more and grow. I think he would also like me to post that he came in second at a gaming tournament and won a prize for his efforts! So Hooray for Jeff. (The picture is Jeff on my parent's tractor a few years ago.)

Things That Must Go III

1. The adult humans on Curious George: You can't get mad at a kid monkey for giving away all your chocolate, if you are stupid enough to leave him in charge of your candy store.

2. Heroes: This show was only mildly entertaining season one, less so season two, and now I find myself reading while Jeff watches it. I think the problem, other then bad writing, is that new characters are added every week and the old ones are never working together therefore causing them to need seperate storylines.

3. Snakes: I have another snake in my driveway.

4. Tattletales: This is one that has been something that I myself have been trying to work on since last year. I realized that I was telling on everyone: surly salesclerks, the lazy young men of the other wards, the construction crews next door. I was so busy self-righteously seeking justice that sometimes I forgot the importance of letting things go. So all year long I have been trying really hard not to tattle so much, and save my comments for the really important/ dangerous situations. Recently I have been tattled on myself (although I still maintain that I have done nothing wrong,) and just want to roll my eyes and say, "Mind your own business, and get over yourself. If you have a problem with me then address it with me, I am 26 years old you don't need to call my mother."

Max's Tag

I picked up this tag and thought it would be fun to do it from Max's point of view.

I know...Where the Frozen Waffles are kept

I want...Fruit Snacks
I have...a floral car seat

I wish...I could fly in rocket with the little einsteins
I hate...sitting in my high chair
I miss...spending days with Kendra and Claudia
I fear...loud sudden noises
I Feel...fussy in sacrament meeting
I hear...the construction next door
I smell...my stinky diaper
I crave...goldfish
I search...for fruit snacks that others have dropped or forgotten
I wonder...if mommy is going to take me somewhere fun today
I regret...nothing yet
I love...My blue puppy I call "baby"
I care...about my dog Daisy
I always...grab my puppy and blanket out of the crib with me
I am going...to mom's day out this week
I believe...I am a little einstein
I dance... all the time. I am a dancing fool
I sing...along with They Might Be Giants, Here Come The One Two Threes
I fight...if I am constrained
I write...scribbles in the tub
I lose... in a battle of wills with mom
I win...if I give her a kiss
I never...forget to ask for a sticker from the associate store or a cookie from Sam's Club
I listen...to my nursery leaders
I am scared...of my dad yelling at the dog
I need to clean...my face
I hope...mom will take me to Jump Zone
I tag...my cousin Alex, my girlfriend Leah Scheele, and all other's 3 and under.

All is Well

And we have recovered.

A Plague on Their House.

Flu- Jeff

Flu- Emily

Laryngitis- Max

Double Ear Infections- Max

Poor Max. You should hear him breathe, its the really heavy wheezing. No wonder he has been so grouchy all week, double ear infections. He got a shot and some time on the nebulilzer (saddest thing ever) and has medicine (which the pharmacist says will wind him up!) This is going to be a very bad week.

Kansas City

Kansas City is truly a blessed place having an Anthropologie and soon to come a temple. And no toll roads! We love Kansas City. The picture

is of Jeff and Max at the Kansas City Zoo, a year ago last summer.

What Would Barbie Wear?

Two years ago my fairy godmother Maureen gave me a vintage barbie calender. I loved it so much that I took all the pictures, framed them and then hung them in my bathroom. (Not to worry for Jeff, he has a pirate bathroom he shares with Max.) I love my Barbie bathroom. The girls often inspire me to new fashion heights.

Good Mormon Spouse

So the following article is from Orson Scot Card, I have never read anything from him before, (I did work with his sister, who is the children's book buyer at the BYU Bookstore and has impeccable taste,) but this article totally sums up Jeff's and my working relationship. I totally fear what the women in the ward would think if they knew all the Mormon wife things I don't do.

Also, I never iron shirts, I always buy shirts that don't need to be ironed.

Bad wife or just a busy one?

By Orson Scott Card

Published: Thursday, Sep. 25, 2008

I wondered if my wife had a kind of Joan Crawford thing going on when she told me, about six years into our marriage, that she could not live with the idea of my taking my shirts to a professional laundry.

"What is it?" I asked. "The plastic bags? We can tie them in knots so the kids can never play with them."

"It's not the plastic bags!" Kristine looked so miserable.

I decided to cheer her up with humor.

"The wire hangers?" I asked, pointedly. Since this was only a few years after "Mommy Dearest," she got the joke. It didn't cheer her up at all.

"You think I'm some kind of monster."

"No," I said. "I don't. I think you're a very busy woman, doing things that the whole family needs you to do."

The list of what she was doing really was quite remarkable. Our then-youngest child was born with cerebral palsy, and Kristine was taking care of him along with our other two children -- and handling the family finances, and dealing with scheduling and transportation, and anything that required making a list and remembering 10 minutes later that there was such a list and where it had been put.The traditional division of labor was not for us. I had vowed to myself before I even proposed to her that there would never be a job so loathsome, tedious or difficult that my wife could do it and I couldn't. I could clean a toilet, wash and dry dishes, cook a meal, and vacuum a floor (not in that order, of course). When she handled the check writing, the checks went where they were supposed to go and did what they were supposed to do. When I wrote checks, they often found their way to the Great Banking Trampoline. Our lives became so much better when I no longer carried the checkbook. Ever. And while our firstborn loved the lullabies his mommy sang to him, when it came to seriously trying to go to sleep, that was daddy's job. From infancy on, he needed a deep baritone voice to fall asleep to. (In my years of teaching, I've found that many children and adults share this trait. I'm always happy to oblige.) In my son's case, getting him to sleep was a long, long labor. I spent years lying on the floor of his room every night, with a little slant of light from the hall letting me see and grade student papers or stories that I was going to review, and all the while, hour after hour, I'm singing the only song that he'd accept, "Away in a Manger," over and over, in every season of the year. All versions, all verses.It was my job because he would accept no substitutes. He has no memory of this, though it persisted till he was 5. But I still dream it.

We divided the labor according to my mom's and dad's old slogan: "From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs." (None of us knew that it was an old Communist precept.)When it came to my shirts, though, I ran into a wall of irrationality. Because, you see, my wife had internalized the idea that a good Mormon wife irons her husband's shirts.

"So let me see if I understand this," I said. "You can't let me take my shirts to the cleaners, even though we can easily afford it, because if I do, it will mean you're a bad wife."

"Yes," she said unhappily."

So the shirts pile up in the laundry room until there are 30 shirts there and I have to buy a new one. Or iron them myself. My mother taught me how. I have the skill. Only I don't want to iron them, I want to take them to the cleaners. Why won't you let me?"

"But if you take your shirts to the cleaners, it will mean that I've failed as a wife!"

"To whom will it mean this?" I asked. "Not to me. Not to the kids. Who else will know?"

"It'll mean that to me!" she wailed. "I know I'm being irrational, but that's how it feels."

"It also feels like a colossal waste of your time to iron them, and that's why you don't do it," I said, "because at any given moment on any day of any week of any year, you have something better to do than iron any shirts of mine."

"But if the other women in the ward found out that I ... "And in that moment, she knew and I knew that I had won. I gloated immediately.

"I thought we prided ourselves on making our own division of labor based on what worked in our marriage."

Glumly she nodded."Right now I own 30 shirts, all of which are in the laundry room, most of them clean and waiting to be ironed. Other men don't have to own 30 shirts in order to have a hope of a clean, ironed shirt to wear."

"Go," she said. "Take the shirts. Have them washed and pressed by the pros."

You'd have thought it was 1870 and she was giving me permission to take a plural wife. Skip a few years. Now we shall talk about bread. I grew up on homemade bread. There was no better food in all the world -- no, not even a spice cake with penuche icing for my birthday, not even pistachio ice cream in Brazil or France or Italy -- than my mother's bread, white or wheat, when it was still so fresh out of the oven you could barely slice it, eaten in thick slabs full of melting butter.If they don't serve that in the celestial kingdom, I'm not going. Not that I expect my mother to bake bread every day in heaven. Once a week will do. My wife knew this. But she is not a bread baker.Don't misunderstand. Kristine is a great cook. She makes perfect pie crust every time. Her gravy always tastes perfect and never has lumps. And she never serves me Jell-O or anything involving Cool Whip. But for one reason or another, she never learned to make bread.So when, in the late 1980s, I turned up with a breadmaker, she didn't view it as a cool piece of cutting edge technology. She saw it as an insult to her Mormon wifehood.Because, just as Mormon wives had to iron their husband's shirts, they apparently also had to bake bread for their families.

"But you don't bake bread," I pointed out helpfully.

"Because I'm a terrible wife!"

"You're a wonderful wife who doesn't bake bread. Every now and then I'd like a loaf of hot fresh bread. Making bread is a lot of work and neither of us has time to do it or even time to learn. But this machine already knows how. Let's let the machine bake bread for us."

I think the machine has made two loaves of bread since 1989. Why? Because we both know that when the breadmaker comes out of the corner of the kitchen counter, my wife feels like a failure.So we buy all our bread at Great Harvest Bread Co. It's almost as good as my mother's. If you toast it or nuke it, you can get butter to melt on it. Somehow buying good healthy bread from a bakery is something a good Mormon wife can tolerate. But at least one good Mormon wife can't let a machine bake bread for her. O my fellow Saints, ye males and ye females! Hearken to my voice! There are so many ways to be a good Mormon wife. They involve taking all the talents and all the time and all the means that God has given you and using them to serve others, especially your family. The key phrase is that you use the talents God has given you. And you use the time that you actually have.
Not everybody is good at everything. I can't manage money. Kristine can't write novels. So I write the books and she pays the bills.
Not every possible use of your time is as important as every other use. Kristine didn't have time to take care of our kids' needs (including the handicapped one), do her church callings, run our business, and learn to make bread and iron my stupid shirts. Here's what a good Mormon wife does: Whatever must be done for the good of her family. Here's what a good Mormon wife does not do: Beat herself up because she can't do every good thing that she's seen other Mormon wives do. There is no article of faith or temple recommend interview question dealing with shirt-ironing or bread-baking or even money-managing. We all have our own marriages, our own talents, our own lives. Keep the commandments, be kind to each other and provident and wise with your children. After that, whatever you do is what Good Mormon Wives and Husbands do; and whatever you don't do is obviously something that you don't have to do to be a Good Mormon Spouse.

The Murray Collection

I have to take the time to again thank Tanya Murray for giving me hundreds of dollars worth of free clothes and toys. This is just a handful of the clothes that she has given me over the years. 90% of Max's clothes are from her. (5% from me and 5% from grandparents and others.) And the best part is all the clothes are cute and in excellent condition. Max has a much bigger wardrobe then I do. I also get the pleasure of sending the clothes along to my nephew Algy. Thank you Tanya for your unlimited generosity. Everyone should be as wonderful as you.

Never Me Time

This is why all I get done on my Mom's Day Out is cleaning.

Too Tall

Max is too tall. He can now reach the dead blot on out front door. I learned this last Wednesday as I went to go get the mail. Yup...locked out, in my pajama pants no less. I tried to get Max to open the door, but that was hopeless. I tried to get in the living room windows, they are usually unlocked and were open the previous night so surely they must be open? No, locked. Hmmm... what to do...well they construction crew next door must have a cell phone...but alas my mail comes at the same time Jeff takes his lunch. (We have a new code at his office, if his phone rings more then twenty straight times, one of his teammates will assume it is an emergency and pick it up.) So the nice guys next door want to help- credit card through the back door? Deadbolted. Could there be any window unlocked? Jeff's bathroom? It is often open and so high up it can't be locked right? Well no one has a ladder but lets try a big digger. Locked. But it did leave nice tracks in my front yard. Hmmm. The kitchen window perhaps? Yes, but alas we can't bring the rig over, luckily we've got a playgound that almost makes it. Not for me, I was too short but one of the nice guys was tall enough to climb into my kitchen and save the day. I offered them a drink but alas they thought I was a bit crazy and fled asap. Max you ask? Totally unfazed. He used the time to make a bit of mischief.

Things That Must Go II

1. Rhianna Ballads: Don't get me wrong I love her up songs but lets just say her voice is not her strongest quality. She should really stay away from songs where her voice is louder then the beat.

2. My Friends Tigger and Pooh: Where the hell is Christopher Robin? Did they even tell him he was being let go or did he just find out when the show appeared on the tv? Does he still speak to Pooh? How awkward.

3. My rose bush: As Heidi Klum would say, "Rosebush, you're out!" One rose in 3 years! Say goodbye to your prime location, your going in the backyard next year.

4. People trying to offer sympathy by telling me how lucky they are: My mom is the worst at this, when I tell her Max's birth cost around $5000 (start to finish) she tells me how she only had to pay $100 for each of her girls. When I told her about a really bad date she tells me out of nowhere how one day three different guys sent her flowers (even my dad had a chuckle at this one.) Now my mom is not the only one who does this, lots of people have been doing this lately. Don't tell me you're happier, don't tell me your worse, just nod your head and say, "hmmm that some really rotten luck."

Comments

I have had a difficult time adding comments to every one's blogs recently, (I don't know whether to blame google, or myself.) Therefore I have a few remarks that will hopefully reach my intended audience.

Tanya: That is so amazing that you managed to survive the trek! (and even enjoy it.) You are my new hero for the week.

Kasey: I have the deepest sympathy for you work/ ice cream situation. That pretty much sums up what living with Jeff is like.

Lara: You are an amazing mother. Those kids are going to grow up to be rocket scientists. (despite all the coloring at school)

Meg: Can I go with you to chew out the guy at Lowes? I have always wanted to slap a guy, just to see how it feels and he seems like a good candidate.

Amanda: Those girls are so beautiful. Sorry everyone else, but these girls are now my favorite blog babies. You have such a talent for getting fantastic candid photos. I love the Where the Wild Things Are shot and the cow in the underwear.

Liz: Wahoo! Arkansas is the new Utah. You tell all those haters out there that The Natural State has excellent weather, economic prosperity, and lots of Mormons. I saw two cars with Utah plates just this afternoon and didn't know either driver. Hmmm if only we could get grandma out here then it could be the new Tobler headquarters too. See if you can work on that.

Katie Jo: Congrats on completing the set.

Claudia and Michelle: I am calling both of you girls out for not posting enough. More pictures! More hilarous dance recital videos.

Things That Must Go

I am going to attempt to cut down on my usage of the word hate. I find that I use this more frequently then I really mean to, and it makes me seem rather negative. So I have decided to add a new way of vent frustration with the sub-blog Things That Must Go. In Utah some early morning radio program used to have people call in and list the things they would like to never see, hear, or experience again. So each week I am going to list 3 minor and 1 major things that must go. Please feel free to add one or two yourselves.

1. "Going Green"

I am not against the environment, just the stupid, celebrity-hawked catch phrase.

2. Web Site Changes

99.9% of the time they are not for the better. (That means you facebook)

3. Lou and Lou Safety Patrol

This is an irritating 5 min cartoon on the Disney Channel that comes on after Little Einsteins. The two children are the most anal retentive annoying characters on the face of the earth. Even their cartoon parents seem to be irritated with their beyond obsessive safety concerns. What happened to make these kids this way?

4. Passive Aggressive People

Now I will admit that there have been times that I have fallen under this category, but I will try to stop. Lately it seems like so many people I have dealt with lately have made the most aggravating non-statements to me. If you don't like something say it. Don't tell me, "well that's the way we do it," or "I'm not saying my way is better," Yes, you are! That is exactly what you are saying, so just suck it up and say it.

Mom's Day Out

Freedom! Today I dropped Max off at a Mother's Day Out program. For those who don't know what that is, it is a daycare/preschool program where you drop your kid off once or twice a week for the day. I am so thrilled! I have so many projects that I want to get done and I am also excited for Max. He loves being around other kids and playing with new toys. Right now I have him signed up for only one day a week, but may go to two if Max and I both like it. This is such a great program, it is ironic that they don't have this in Utah where they probably need it the most. Most of these programs are run through the local churches out here. Max is actually at the church building right next to ours the GracePointChurch.net, (yeah that's the actual name.) I tell you I have never felt any desire to join any other church until I saw that facilities at this place. The mother's lounge is bigger then my living room and full of rockers and cribs, (as opposed to the closet at my building that smells of poop.) But anyway since I am stuck with my loser building cause of the whole pesky true gospel thing, I will at least take advantage of my day of Freedom!

Wahoo, Maryann is pregnant!

I am currently blogging instead of cleaning, (which is what I told Jeff I would be doing if he took Max out,) so that I can say a huge congratulations to my best friend Maryann on her pregnancy. I am truly so happy for her and don't know if I can stand waiting til March to see this cute bundle of Joy. I met Maryann in college, she lived in an apartment below mine and was in my ward. We didn't meet right away, but after I had gotten to know her roommates. After a bit we finally met at a dance in the Clyde Building where I also met this cute return missionary and a week later Maryann and I were on a double date with said missionary and his friend. Well, the date was nice, but Maryann was a waaaay better catch then my date, so I don't mind at all that things didn't work out with the guy. Maryann is sweet, loving, and the world's best listener. I often joke with her that the only reason that she hangs with me is because she is using me as a case study for her social work, (The book to be titled, Emily Tobler Larkin, The Most Messed Up Lady On Earth Not In An Institution.) This is such a clever women that she orchestrated a group dated for us with nine guys! Even though our friendship has been tested with time and distance, (and my increasing flakiness,) I consider it the greatest non-family bond I have or probably will ever have. I have been blessed to have such a person in my life. And she also makes fantastic brownies. So to Maryann....Thank you... I love you....Congratulation!

Don't Call Me

at least not on my cell phone. Yesterday, while changing into a bathing suit, my cell phone fell out of my jeans and slammed into the concrete floor. It had done this countless times before, but this time the trajectory was just right to bust the thing in two. We aren't sure what we will do since we were going to switch carriers in December when our two year contract with sprint came up. (Which I will say, personally we haven't had a problem with sprint which we have had for six years now, but since everyone else has other plans it makes since to leave.) So if you are in desperate need to contact us you will have to reach us at our land line, or email.

*An extra bit or irony is that today is my mommy's birthday and I have no long distance.

I am not Pregnant

I am not pregnant and I am okay with that. I really am. Everything that has happened recently has actually driven away all desire to be pregnant and have a baby for the near future. I shudder at the thought of hauling around two kids. I have reaffirmed my decision to have one for right now.

That being said it seems like there is a baby boom going on. It seems like everyone I know under 40 is either pregnant, had a baby in the last 6 months, or is trying to get pregnant. There are like 15 pregnant women in my ward, not kidding here. I am super happy for all these people, I really am, (hey, if I don't have to care for them then babies are cute.)

What I am feeling is a bit outnumbered, (yes, I realized that it is a bit hypocritical since technically I was one of them until recently, but lets ignore that.) I want to hear announcements of who is not pregnant. If you are not pregnant say it out loud. Pregnant women get to announce their news so I am going to announce mine. I AM NOT PREGNANT. Who's with me? (If you are planning to become pregnant you are still allowed to add yourself to the list if you want.)

Max's 2nd Birthday

Today was Max's 2nd Birthday Party. We invited four of Max's little friends to color, eat a donut cake, and then go to jump zone. It was an amazing success! Max loved all his presents and had a blast at jump zone. No tantrums, only fun. We captured most of it on the video camera, so hopefully I will figure out how to post those videos soon.

#1 or Happy Birthday Max

Even though the party is tomorrow, I am so happy for my little guy. I cannot believe two years have past (luckily I still have the baby fat to help me feel nostalgic.) He is no longer a baby but a little boy. These pictures are from his birthday last year.

#2

I really like this shot because it expressed Max's personality so early on. I also liked the space pajamas so much; I would sing Space Cowboy to him in them. This picture sat on my desk when I taught.

Something needs to be done about that second chin

So now that I have recovered fully from the pregnancy and drugs, I was all determined to really lose some weight. What a great opportunity to really focus on my health and make it work. Totally inspired by my friend Jen Morrill and her blog, I was all pumped for "The Great Slim down." I was gonna get to the gym first thing this morning and really work out, I was pumped, Max was pumped, even Jeff had agreed to stop enabling my sweet tooth and laziness; and then I woke up this morning with a dreadful case of the sniffles! Sure you say, go anyway, but seriously these are snot dripping sniffles, with accompanied life sucking cold medicine. Perhaps it is my lot in life to be a fat slug.

# 3

Took this picture yesterday in Max's new birthday suit. His grandma Tobler lovingly hand smocked the sailboats. As you can see Max is none too happy with the new 12 o'clock church schedule.