For Me?

You shouldn't have. No really. So I just set up a baby registry at Target. Yeah, I know I have two kids, one of each kind, so I don't really need anything. So why the registry? Simple, Target gives you an awesome little gift bag of goodies when you create a registry. I am not above filling out a registry for some free stuff and coupons. Yup, they still send me baby coupons from Mae's registry. I did put some stuff on the registry that I want/need, but that was just to make it legit. So no need for anyone to go and get me anything. But hey if someone wants to buy me a $250 breast pump, go right ahead.

Dear Emily

Dear Emily,
Do not get pregnant again! Pregnancy sucks! You are miserable! You get three months of stomach nausea and then when that starts to go away you start feeling sore down South. Any time you walk more then a few steps you feel like you've been horse back riding all day. You look fat at that time, not pregnant but just fat. Then one day you wake up and realize you look pregnant because people start getting that worried look in their eyes that you are gonna pop right in front of them. By the last few months your hands and feet are constantly on FIRE. You have to sleep with the air conditioner on full blast for the feet but then the rest of your body, and your poor hubby, is cold. When you get a headache you are screwed cause all you can take is the world's greatest joke placebo, TYLENOL. You are even more tired then your usual tired self. With each additional child your heartburn has gotten worse, so much so that you may not survive another...something to think about. Your stride has turned into a very ungraceful waddle that gives you lower back pain, which also intensifies the pain on your sciatic nerve. You are at constant risk of pulling a charly horse in the middle of the night, but that's okay cause it is not like you are sleeping during that time. Nope, you are going to the bathroom at least three times a night. You know you have reached the end, or at least what everyone else has assumed is the end cause they haven't bothered to remember your due date despite the ten times you have already told them, because they tell you bizarre things like you looks so beautiful. Which is total crap cause you're not stupid, you looked in the mirror this morning and you know they are just trying to scrap something positive to say cause you know that they know that you are just miserable. Do I even need to remind you of how awful it was to get the stomach flu with a child kicking inside of you. The fact that Jeff didn't leave your pathetic disgusting self after hearing you wretch all night long is either a testament to his foolishness or his fear of expensive child support payments. Dear Emily please stop and read this the next time you think you want another child. There are other ways! Lots of kids need good homes. You have already seen what your kids come out looking like...you...don't you owe your kids the chance of some better genetics? Emily just say no!
With lots of love and concern,
Emily

As a matter of reminder, the ticker on the right reflects my actual due date of July 7th, while Spike is actually going to be evicted June 30th. So not too much longer now.

I'm a Big Kid now

So since Max was old enough to use plates and cups we have been an Ikea family. You know the ones I mean, the plastic brightly colored dishes small enough for little people and seen in just about every Mormon household.
Over the years I found that being so light and small made them ideal of portion control and laziness. I was beginning to use them almost exclusively. Two years ago my mom bought me a beautiful set of china for my birthday.

The blue and yellow pattern wasn't what I had registered for, that set I have none of because it was super expensive
yet I loved the pattern anyway and figured that I should at least pick the one I really like even if I never get any, anyway I loved the stuff my mom got me. I used these new plates occasionally but again my laziness would win out and Ikea would call to me. Then one evening about a year ago Jeff and I went out and a friend of ours watched the kids. When I arrived home I noticed that he had used my china to eat on. For a split second I was shocked! How? Why? Who does he think he is using the good china? Then I had a big flashing reality moment! What was he supposed to use the tiny child Ikea plates? For pete's sake why am I using them? That was when I decided I needed to be an adult and use adult plates. Really like it makes a difference to put one or the other in the dish washer. What was I saving them for? Why spend my life eating on plastic? I now have a no Ikea plate policy for myself. I am capable of eating off a plate without breaking it so I really have no need to use plastic. It has been a really nice change. There is something more satisfying about eating off a real plate. This was defiantly a change for the better.

Moody

Mae is in a bad mood this morning. Not sure why, I even offered her some of my breakfast pie. Who doesn't like breakfast pie? Don't mess with her.

Bumble and Bumble

I love how Mae is doing girly stuff that Max didn't have much interest in. She loves to dress up, color pictures, and play parent to her stuffed bunnies.

Lesson not really learned

So I feel that all people should have a healthy respect for their lawnmowers. They are potentially dangerous machines. This philosophy is reinforced by the fact that my grandmother lost the top half of two fingers to a lawn mower. My grandma is awesome and I have always kinda liked the uniqueness of her missing fingers. It has never seemed to stop her, she is an amazing seamstress and can shuffle and deal a deck of cards better then any person I have ever met. But I imagine that if you asked her she would probably say the lawnmower experience was unpleasant and would also suggest caution around the machines. (Although seriously how rude of a question would that be?)

So a few weeks ago I was outside with Max while Jeff was mowing the law. I tried to use the time as a teaching experience and told Max about my grandma. It didn't quite turn out like I had planned. First off, Max doesn't understand the concept of Great Grandparents, so now he thinks that my mom is missing fingers. Then about ten minuets later he started singing this bizarre song, "Grandma Tobler lost her fingers and she needs to find them." (All this to the tune of Old MacDonald.) I was so torn between how hilarious and awful this song was, and he just kept singing it to himself for the rest of the week. So even though I tried again to explain things, he seems a bit confused. I imagine he will be even more so when my parents show up next month and he sees that my mom has all her fingers.

I Have Issues

As if I even have to type that. The following are some things that bug me. You think I would label them as Things That Must Go, but I can admit that these are all me, and probably not healthy.

1. I hate showering after someone else. Totally crazy since water is water- it's clean! But I hate entering someone else's steam. It just feels like humidity then.

2. I hate it when people do not fill the dishwasher my way. We have had our current dishwasher for almost two years now and Jeff almost has my systen down. Now in my defense I think I have the most effective way of loading to save space and clean. It is not that I like doing dishes, cause I don't, I just get it into my head that if every time it was done right then I would have to do less dishes. My dad is pretty talented in this department. You could give him a washer he has never seen before and he would load it pretty close to how I would.

3. I hate toenails. If someone is wearing sandals and haven't trimmed in awhile I can't even talk to them. It makes me sick. As for myself and my kids well we are probably trimmed to an unhealthy level.

4. Egg salads, Potato salads, jello salads, and most pasta salads are just disgusting to me. Sometimes it is hard for me to wait in line for some deli meat just seeing that case of eggy looking goos. shudder. I can't be in the same room that and egg salad was just made in. Now this issue is probably the closest to a thing that must go, but the goos seem to make so many others happy.

5. Styrofoam. Nails on a chalk board to me. The sound Styrofoam makes 90% of the time it is touched is like my own personal kryptonite. My knees buckle and I shut down until the sound has passed. And hey, it is bad for the environment so maybe it should go.

So why the list of issues today? Well, I suppose I thought it would be therapeutic to get it out on paper, and if anyone brings me a meal when the baby is born you will know to avoid salads in Styrofoam. But seriously I think maybe it is cause I read so many blogs where people only post their perfect parts and I wanted to make it clear that I am seriously flawed. (Although the mailbox post probably pointed that out.)

Good Stuff

So the whole birthday/mother's day weekend was pretty good this year. Jeff bought me this lovely picture which matches the cream and sugar set from last year.

My roses from Max are still in bloom. He picked out the color.

DIY

So I am a young Mormon mother blogger. This must mean that I am skilled at home improvement, do it yourself projects right? right? Yeah not so much. It is not for lack of trying. Over the last five years I have attempted to sand and stain an old coffee table, paint my front door (twice,) change the hardware out in the bathroom, and a few other things. The coffee table was fine until I finished the last coat and went to bed for the night. The next day I came out to the garage to find a layer of fuzz on the table that wouldn't come off! The front door was painted twice. The first time I didn't like the color, and both times it just looked wrong. No matter how hard I sanded and primed you could still see the brush strokes. I have since noticed the same problem with other people's doors and don't take it as personally. I can't even really talk about the bathroom handles. It is still to painful. The one item that sums up my DIY experience is the mailbox. About a month ago I decided to just put some simple stickers on my mailbox to denote the house number. (I had gotten several complaints from visitors about the confusing numbering on my street.) I thought to myself how hard can this be? Peel off back and apply sticker. Well as you can see I am a complete idiot.


Emily + DIY = Just not right.

The added salt in the wound for the mailbox was that the VERY NEXT DAY, a friend in the ward posted on her blog what she had done that weekend.
Yeah, sometimes it is really hard to be in my ward. I mean really....

Pants on Fire

Max has started to lie. Any good lesson suggestions? Currently he has the biggest problem when it comes to flushing the toilet. For some odd reason he doesn't want to anymore and then says he has. Anyway I want to nip this lying in the bud before it becomes a life long habit. I think it took me about twenty years before I realized it was just easier to not lie in the first place.

Baby vs. Lunch

Super Cool Party People

So Mae decided to wake up at 4:30 this morning. The cause is still unknown, but her not going back to sleep was probably because the batteries in her Rain Forrest Projector had gone out. So Super Jeff seeing that I was deep in sleep went down and got her out of her crib. She was changed, fed, and watered, and allowed to watch a Baby Einstein. Around 5 I heard a squeal, saw that Jeff was up and went to relieve him of duty. Arriving on the scene I sat down next to Mae and attempted to take control. Mae gave me no notice, played for a few more minuets and then grabbed her bunnies making a B line for the stairs. Jeff put her down and we all went back to bed. Now I am thrilled that the event ended before I really had to do anything, but really? How can I not take that personally. It is like I totally crashed the party. Like Mae was saying, "Oh she's here, well not much of a party now better get some rest." I totally feel like a loser.

Emily in Time Out

So I did the almost unthinkable last weekend. I actually paid to be in a room full of weepy hormonal Mormon women and listen to sappy, cutesy, prepackaged gospel. I went to Deseret Book's Time Out for Women in Oklahoma City. As you can tell from the set up I was a bit apprehensive about the experience from the get go, but I decided to go for the following reasons.
1. I liked to idea of getting away on the cheap by myself.
2. I wanted a quickie spiritual boost. (Like those free boosts you get at Jamba Juice that are supposed to give you energy or shiny hair.)
3. I thought it would be good to get off my self-important cynical high horse and do something I wasn't exactly comfortable with, (especially something that seems to works so well for so many other women.)

So I left Friday morning, (Hooray for Super Jeff who took a vacation day to watch the kids!) and drove out with some ladies in my ward. I have to say it was the shortest that 3.5 hour drive has ever felt. The fun conversation made it even better then when I have taken the trip with just Jeff. We arrived at the temple to do a session but the combination of it being our Stake Temple Day, and probably the Time Out for Women, made it super crowded and we got bumped from the session. For those who have never been to a mini temple, let me just say they mean MINI! Not that there is ever a bad temple, it is beautiful and you do feel the wonderful Spirit there, but they are small and when crowded you feel like you might get squished to death. I am NEVER going on a stake day again. I really didn't mind missing the session though, I have zero problem doing something else there, so I did some inititories and it was great. Cause really there is not a bad thing to do at the temple. I would have jumped in the font if they needed it.

Then we went to the Cheesecake Factory and all I can say is MANGO KEYLIME CHEESECAKE! Um Yum! It was really painful to actually see Pottery Barn Kids just across the parking lot and not go in, but traveling with four other women I knew they were anxious to get to the conference and I did not want to impose my wants on the group.

THE CONFERENCE
Okay so if I had to give the conference a letter grade it would probably be a C+. Which considering what I was expecting that ain't bad. And remember, I worked at the bookstore for 3 years of women's conferences and education weeks, so I had some serious reservations and pre judgements. The speakers and performers were actually pretty good. Props to Deseret Book for bringing out their big guns. No B listers there. I got some good things to chew on from the session. My big problem was the venue. FAIL Deseret Book! Held at the Cox Convention Center, I felt like I was at a convention or something. The room was a huge warehouse with crap lighting that made the whole thing feel dank and dingy. It was so bad that it actually distracted me from the spiritual message of the conference. I feel that for the money I paid they could have looked around for a better place, and probably easily found one.

The Hotel
I booked us a two room suite and it was nice. The website and the people at corporate we called to confirm that there were enough beds lied, but two people were willing to share so it didn't end up being a big deal. The experience was fine. I will say that I do not, and never will, understand night owls, but all things considered- 5 women in one suite it went very well. A-

The Second Day of Conference.
I was still dismayed by the venue but again the talks were good. There was a break for lunch, which was also time to do a service project, which I might have done had I known about it before hand. Lunch was good and then we went to the most fun cupcake/party store that was adorable and cheerful.

Change of Plans
I was really starting to feel my pregnancy by the end of the conference. I was told after lunch that our group was going to see the Oklahoma City Bombing memorial after the conference. This bugged me, not the going so much, but that it wasn't asked it was told. Ummm there are five people on this trip. I would have at least like to have been asked or considered. Plus kind of a downer after the spiritual high of the conference, and I had already been there. Luckily I found a friend who had also come to the conference and was able to get a ride home with her. So whatever it all worked out. I was home to see Max before bed.

It was all a fairly good trip, especially considering my reservations going into it.
I am glad I went. Due only to the dumpy location, I don't think I would have done it over again knowing what I know, but that is the only reason. I enjoyed the company, food, and the Spirituality. And hey, it is always good to get away from the kids.

The following picture came from one of the speakers blogs and gives a good representation of how dingy the venue was. I have no idea who any of these people are. Yeah it wasn't the flash on the camera it was that DANK at the place. Totally made it hard to feel the Spirit would have been cheaper to just have it in a cave for the same effect.

Each Flower Reminds Me of You

A short shout out to the most beautiful person I know, my mom. My mom is lovely. I could write a book about how wonderful my mom is but I am hot and tired so I'll have to just go with some short thanks and notes.

Thanks mom for taking me to classic skating so many times. Roller rinks stink.

Thank you for giving me my love of art. I was just telling Jeff that I don't think I ever took a family vacation without stopping at at least one art museum. I have been missing them lately.

Thanks mom for making me so many pretty dresses as a child and young adult. And thank you for making my children such beautiful clothes. Just about every women who walks into my house gets shown Mae's blessing dress, whether they want to or not.

Thank you for drilling the mantra, "When you leave a room just look around and see what you can take with you," into my head. Best advise ever! Poor Jeff hears it at least three times a week.

Thank you for driving me all around Omaha for auditions and rehearsals.

Thank you for passing down your perfect fingernails down to me. They are my favorite physical feature, so no surprise that they came from you.

Thank you for loving my children almost as much as I do. It is nice to have someone to call and share all the adorable things they do.

Justice

There has been a lot of talk about justice recently in regards to Osama Bin Laden and all that. I don't want to talk about that. You know what justice is? Justice is driving down the freeway and seeing the Benton County Prisoners picking up trash. They even wear the black and white striped suites of old school prison movies. This could possibly be my favorite thing about living in Arkansas. Is it weird that it brings me so much joy to see these guys, and sometimes gals, out there picking up litter? It just feels so right and gives me a huge pick me up every time I see them. In a world where wall street tycoons make billions for cheating, where banks get bailouts while my property values fall, where some jerk stood outside his car to chat with his friends didn't vacate his good spot til after I had pulled by, there is some justice in the world.

Mae day, May day, Mayday

They all work. Mae was sick last week and we all came down with it this weekend. Poor Max is taking the worst of it. I have such a hard time when my kids are sick, I think it is just that I am weak. I have been very blessed to have two reasonably healthy kids. Haven't had to rush anyone to the hospital yet, knock on wood. It was really hard to be sick this weekend cause I am just so tired of us all being sick. I just wanted to rise above it and get something done. I also wanted to celebrate May day, cause you know me I am the world's biggest sucker for Puns! We will be fine and by next week we will have a whole bunch of different issues. Oh yeah, and I am turning 29 this Friday. I got my closet shelves so I am quite happy in the gift dept.